THIS is what up, bitches.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE! My sister turned 28 today. Gee Nicole....

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 07:59:00 -0800

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE! My sister turned 28 today. Gee Nicole. You’re old. How do things feel up there in late twenties? Things still feel pretty young and fresh down here in mid-twenties. Enjoy being old!

ORPHAN HOLIDAY PARTY: Jillian is going to help the orphans in...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:46:00 -0800

ORPHAN HOLIDAY PARTY: Jillian is going to help the orphans in the Third World and that only means one thing… Holiday Cheer! Please join us as we send Jillian off in style with a lesson all things orphan-related, in a joyous holiday setting with eggnog, cookies and maybe even mistletoe for the pervs. Dress your holiday best and please bring a gift, provided that gift is alcohol.

WHEN? Friday, December 18th @ 9:00 pm in Los Feliz - If any of you tumblrs want to come, e-mail me for the address! jillbord@gmail.com - It’s going to be an epic all-night dance party, so ladies, bring your flats.

I can really relate to the Are You Afraid of the Dark...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:35:00 -0800

I can really relate to the Are You Afraid of the Dark “I’m… cold” little boy ghost right about now.

fochaux: Real live rainbow in silver lake!!!!! Well, I’m...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:08:00 -0800

fochaux:

Real live rainbow in silver lake!!!!!

Well, I’m glad everything was just rainbows and kittens and taking arty photos of the rain and reflecting on life and snuggling with a book for everyone ELSE in L.A. today. I on the other hand, had a bucket of water thrown on me right before I boarded the drafty, twenty-year-old, non-heated school bus with broken windows for four hours to chaperone all the special ed kids home from school. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a hot date with my space heater or death. Whichever can take away this pain the fastest.

shirtdress: The Danish Poet (quite possibly my all time...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:48:00 -0800

shirtdress:

The Danish Poet (quite possibly my all time favorite short film) as promised for Jillian

Can we trace the chain of events that leads to our own birth? Is our existence just coincidence? Do little things matter?

loosely based on the director, Torill Kove’s parents. you can listen to that story here (click where it says “Interview with Torill obvs.)

man, i hope someday i’m talented enough to make something this heartwarming, sweet, and lovely.

I love how at a party full of comics Erika and I were in a corner in the living room eating donuts and discussing philosophy, films and literature.

Interesting observation.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 08:00:00 -0800

I went out dancing last night for the first time since I got my tattoo and let me tell you this, tattoo equals dudes giving me their attention. It was incredible. I would see them look at me, look at my arm, smile and then look back at me and I would make eye contact with them and throw them my best “Yeah, I’m one bad ass bitch” face.

Tonight.

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 15:14:00 -0800

I taught myself some new Mountain Goat’s songs on my keyboard today. I say we all cancel our plans and:

Drink (soda)
Play music
Have sex with each other (it doesn’t matter because I’m leaving)

Applying for jobs in Michigan.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:49:00 -0800

Dear Sirs and Madams,

I am writing today to in inquire about any open positions in your School District. My main objective with this letter is to highlight my assets as an immensely motivated and professional educator. I believe you will be impressed with my innovative classroom behavior management techniques such as yelling, “Shut the fuck up,” threatening to slit their throats and crying under pressure. I consistently maintain a positive learning environment in my classroom by only calling the students that are failing retarded and raising the self-esteem of the smart students by asking the other students why they can’t be more like them.

As a professional, I only call in sick eight times a month. When I worked at Taco Bell I called in seventeen times a month so you can see how motivated I am to do my job 76.6% of the time. Since I started working in the education field, I have never slept with a co-worker, which is a first and I believe shows my maturity (Unless you want me to sleep with you. This a recession and I need a job. This demonstrates how practical I am).

I’m an alcoholic so I will never come to school hungover. This information is not necessary but it is a good example of an oxymoron and I wanted to show you my proficiencies in common English tropes, such as repetition, such as repetition. I think the main thing I have going for me is the students will be too busy daydreaming about having sex with me so there will be no time for off-task behavior.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

J.L.B.

"Dear Teacher, I hope you come back tomorrow, because we are worse without you. Keyon and Stevan..."

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 19:10:00 -0800

“Dear Teacher,
I hope you come back tomorrow, because we are worse without you. Keyon and Stevan are messing with each other, smacking each other with knives, glass cups and wooden chairs. It’s become a war zone between the Blacks and Whites so please, in the name of all that’s pizza, come back tomorrow. Please I beg of you, come back.”

- Alejandro (7th gr.) - get well card to teacher

I’m subbing in for a Teacher all week and apparently things are not going well. Gee Alejandro, such an exaggerator. It’s only plastic chairs. Gawd.

Bennie: Let's move to a cabin in Alaska.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 13:46:47 -0800

Bennie: Let's move to a cabin in Alaska.
Me: We can finally finish our novels.
Bennie: I'm still waiting for my copy of your dating book, "Did I Shave My Vagina For This?"
Me: Who are we kidding. We wouldn't get any work done.
Bennie: You're right. We would just make dick and vagina jokes all day.
Me: Because we are awesome.

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: My mom’s home...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:41:00 -0800

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: My mom’s home cooked meals.

tabitha: LOOKIT WHAT I GOT! Jillian is my favorite!! I’m glad...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 08:02:00 -0800

tabitha:

LOOKIT WHAT I GOT! Jillian is my favorite!! I’m glad she didn’t get this tattooed on her body, but we now have matching tshirts.. so that’s just as awesome.

My one true passion in life is making shitty, I mean amazing, iron-on shirts. Also, why is Dave Seger popping out of the background?

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: Spending entire days...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 13:56:50 -0800

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: Spending entire days taking pictures of my cats trying to get them to make “LOLcat poses.” Then I will spend the next week trying to caption it and achieve my lifelong dream of owning an LOLcat. I will make screen printed shirts for them to wear that say, “I’m an LOLcat. R U?” The neighborhood cats will be so jealous.

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: My boyfriend.

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 11:54:47 -0800

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: My boyfriend.

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: Bikini weather 3/4 of the...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:43:00 -0800

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: Bikini weather 3/4 of the year. Oh wait, I’m sorry, that’s the place I’M LEAVING. Dammit! But don’t feel sorry for me. The 2010 Farmer’s Almanac has assured me I can wear a swimsuit in Escanaba, MI on July 5th, 18th and 20th and August 3rd. (This can also be filed under: getting fat).

roommate: Dude, are you seriously sitting in bed eating that huge fucking plate of left over turkey?

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:27:00 -0800

roommate: Dude, are you seriously sitting in bed eating that huge fucking plate of left over turkey?
me: Maybe.
roommate's boyfriend: Liz, she has her sweatpants on. Of course she's going to eat all that turkey.

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: Becoming the...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:04:00 -0800

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: Becoming the “cool” aunt. I will seduce Jack by telling him, “I lived in Los Angeles, Jack. I once saw Dora the Explorer at Starbuck’s.”

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: My mom turning my bedroom...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:52:55 -0800

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: My mom turning my bedroom “country.” (This can also be filed under: sharing my bed with porcelin dolls that have human hair and not getting laid for a long time).

Exactly three weeks from today I’m leaving Los Angeles, my home base since 2006, and moving...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 12:52:54 -0800

Exactly three weeks from today I’m leaving Los Angeles, my home base since 2006, and moving back to Michigan. I can’t believe this! There are so many things to be excited about! So many things to do in Escanaba, Michigan! OMFG I’m so excited I can hardly contain it! I’m so pumped that I think I’m going to share with you all the things to get excited about! Michigan is going to be so fun! Here’s the first one!

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MICHIGAN: Depression.

So, we found the KITTENS INSPIRED BY KITTENS BOOK this weekend....

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 10:35:48 -0800

So, we found the KITTENS INSPIRED BY KITTENS BOOK this weekend. It’s no big deal.

J/K GUISE! THIS IS THE BIGGEST DEAL EVAR. Now I can fulfill my lifelong dream of pretending to be the Kittens Inspired by Kittens Girl. I mean, we’re basically the same person already because we:

Love kittens
Have blonde hair
Are both incredibly adorable
Have tattoos on our left forearm
FUCKING LOVE KITTENS